


You're Not Alone

by AmberDread



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Despair, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Oneshot, Rey of light, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This story ends with a new beginning, nothing graphic, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24475183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberDread/pseuds/AmberDread
Summary: Modern AUBen is about to end it all.Fate intervenes.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 13
Kudos: 76





	You're Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> TW: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, please don't read if those themes may upset or trigger you ♥

A wild stormy night. 

The elements match the torment in his soul and also mean no one else is around. The cliffs are a national beauty spot, usually busy with tourists taking photos of the moon over the sea or locals giving their dogs a last run.

But the howling wind and driving rain mean that he is alone. 

It is fitting - he has always been alone, even when surrounded by people. It's a cliché but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

The waves beneath his feet crash against the cliffs like thunder, loud and harsh.

It will be quick. Even if he were to somehow survive the great height, he will drown, consumed by the crushing black depths.

He is so cold and wet already that it feels as if he has already jumped, already parted from his fleshy cell, numb.

As he stands on the edge of the cliffs, taking his last breaths, he hears a voice.

At first he assumes it is merely a figment, an illusion that someone cares enough to stop him...

_No one wants to save you._

_No one cares_

_No one ever has_

He takes a step closer to the edge, he's about to break free from this agony of continuing such an empty, worthless existence. 

Another step.

It will be over soon. It will stop. He will stop being torn apart, from being so lost, trapped, struggling in the darkness unloved and alone. 

It won't hurt anymore.

Another step.

He is so close now. He doesn't know if his body is shaking from the cold and wet or from fear and adrenaline. It is probably both. Yet the feeling is abstract, distant, aloof.

Another step.

The dark clouds scud across the moon, revealing it's pure light for a moment.

So beautiful.

Is there any darkness that cannot be pierced by light?

Yes. His. He can't....

He goes to take his last step, heartbeat pounding in his throat as if it were trying to remind him that he's alive and should stay that way. That he should fight this.

But he can't.

Not anymore.

He's just so... he's just so tired. Weary, worn down, bitten down to the quick and beyond it, worn to a ravelling.

He swallows, licks the raindrops from his lips, tasting life for the last time. Its purity almost makes him want to stay.

_Just do it_

_Best do it now, when no one is around_

He wants his body to drift out to sea, to disappear completely.

No one will care anyway.

His last step.

But, just as he throws his arms out to step over and fall forwards, something small grasps onto him, a full body hold, like a limpet, clings to him, and yanks him back, away from oblivion.

"Don't do it!" 

The voice is feminine, breathing frantically as she holds onto him with a death grip. 

“Don't go this way!”

Ben lies there stunned, emotionally whiplashed. Himself gasping for breath.

Her small hands and legs bind him, so slender but so determined.

"Please" she says the word painfully, full of desperation, a terrified urgency. 

"Let me help you."

_Get up_

_You made it this far_

_Do it now_

_Set yourself free-_

"Please," the emotion-filled word shatters the voice in his head.

"I don't know what you're going through, but this isn't a solution. Please, I've got a flask of tea in my car, please come and talk to me."

_NO! don't let her ruin this_

_This is your only chance_

_They'll shut you away if you don't do it NOW!_

He shudders, he doesn't want to be locked somewhere he can't control how he lives. Or how he dies.

Though his fingers are numb with cold, they are still strong enough to pry her hands off him finger by finger. When she struggles, he shoves his elbow backwards and is rewarded by a pained gasp. He does it again and she coughs, limbs loosening enough that when he struggles to his feet, she is still on the soaking wet grass, winded.

_Don't look back_

_Never look back_

_She doesn't matter_

_Make it all stop..._

But as he goes to take his last step again, a hand grips his and he turns to find her beside him, right on the edge.

"We go together or not at all!" she yells into the wind.

She sounds serious, crazy. Her hand trembles in his but her grip is like a vise.

"You're not alone!"

The voice in his head is suddenly silent. It is almost terrifying... slowly, he turns his head to look down on her.

Her eyes are huge in the moonlight, she is drenched like him, muddy. She looks like an angel.

"You're not alone" she says again, squeezing his hand.

She really means it. It should be impossible, but somehow he knows that she really, truly, absolutely, means those three words with all her heart.

The realisation reaches deep inside him, to a place that has been under lock and key for years.

Now the door is wide open and he can see inside. A small fire burns, more a flame really, flickering but there. 

Hope. 

It is hope. 

So unfamiliar to him, but distant memories surface, reminding him of a long time ago when he wasn't broken.

As he looks at this angel, they are still standing right on the edge and he is suddenly, overwhelmingly afraid for her. The wind is so strong that one gust could push her over, she is of slight build.

It would be his fault.

He hurriedly takes several long steps backwards, pulling her closer to him as he does so.

_She could have died because of you_

The voice is reed thin, faint, but there and he flinches slightly.

"Hey," the angel says, "Hey, it's okay."

She is soaking, body shuddering in the cold. Her lips are dark, blue or black and he feels a tug of guilt and fear at the idea this could make her sick. 

These are strange new feelings.

She smiles, it is tentative but absolutely beautiful. 

Tension eases in him, the hard ball of his heart unfurls. It is the tiniest bit, but after so long twisted like that, it is a marked difference.

She tugs his hand slightly, and he moves with it. Like a tree, bending with the wind, if he doesn't go with her, he knows he will break again and suddenly, he finds he doesn't want to.

Her car is tiny, he doesn't register the make or model as he keeps his eyes on her, as if she is the only thing anchoring him to the world. And in actual fact, right now she is.

Strangely, once the car doors shut, he is more aware of how cacophonous the night outside is.

True to her word, the angel produces a flask of tea. The comforting scent of Earl Grey mixes with the scent of rain and mud and grass.

Wordlessly he takes the cups and flask from her, as for some reason, his hands are steady where hers are still shaking.

The tea is already milked and there are sugar packets that look like they've been piked from a café, that she pours into their mismatched cups.

"I'm Rey," she offers before taking her first sip.

_Yes you are_ , he thinks, **not** the voice in his head, just him.

"Ben" his voice is hoarse but intelligible. 

The tea is perfect, warmth blooms in his stomach, spreading outwards. Comforting. Humanising.

They are silent a few moments before she asks hesitantly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He wonders what she was doing here, at this time of night, in the extreme weather, with a flask of tea and two cups and an apparent disregard for her own life.

There is a connection, something deeper than he understands, that makes her presence reassuring rather than an imposition, it is more than passing strange but he doesn’t try to understand it. All that matters is that she is here, now, with him.

He takes another sip of tea.

"Why did you do it?" he asks.

_Why did you save me?_ he thinks.

Her lips are pink from the tea but she is still shivering. Thin, small, they should go, somewhere with towels and fire, or at least radiators.

A smile flashes. It is radiant. She dims it quickly, almost as if she is afraid it will spook him.

"You needed it," she tells him, her free hand finds his. The gesture feels at once both completely natural and utterly alien.

He nods, it is true. "Thank you."

The muscles in his face recieve an unusual command to curve his lips upwards.

His reward is her mirroring him. _Yes_ , radiant.

Rey.

But still she shivers, vibrates with it.

"You should drive home, I'd hate for this to make you ill."

A frown replaces her smile, as she looks down at her drenched, muddied clothes, then looks at him.

"Come with me?"

For a moment he loses the ability to speak, he wants to, but is terrified at the same time.

It has been such a long time since he really interacted with another human, let alone a beautiful woman.

The tension must show somehow for her features soften.

"Hey" she says, squeezes his hand, "You're not alone."

Somehow the words leave his lips before he even decides to respond, despite this, they feel right, they feel true, as he tells her, "Neither are you."

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this on sitting in the dark for a prolonged period of time and insomnia ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I had [One Step Closer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qlCC1GOwFw) by Linkin Park in my head for some of this, and several days after writing, I realised I’d stolen a line from Doctor Who, [here is the corresponding track](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y1-cqYqF8g)
> 
> If this has brought anything up for you and you need someone to talk to, comment or dm me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/DreadAmber)  
> you're not alone ♥


End file.
